The Prologue

New Girl in the city O

Every story has a beginning. Mine has one too. Oh no, not the- I was born on this particular day in this particular clinic etc! (On second thoughts the adventure of my just-to-be-born self with the doctor’s forceps would be an interesting story but I will save it for another post.)

This is a stage zero post, a docking station for the already launched ‘New girl in the city’ series. It is a prelude to the series which has been very close to my heart. If ‘New girl in the city-1‘ was a self-consolation, ‘New girl in the city-2‘ was a pat on my own back. This post is none of those; it’s a self-deprecatory rap on the knuckle.

I have whined enough about the loneliness I faced when I moved to Bangalore for work. But have I bothered to look beyond Bangalore, to the time before I started living on my own? Was I never lonely before Bangalore? The answer is yes I was. So how come I never blogged about it as this blog is pretty much my personal diary of a public nature?

Well that’s how we justify our arguments isn’t it, by telling ourselves that the other side of the argument is redundant? But covering up is another form of distortion, even if it is from one’s own self, and I have covered up enough! I had even successfully convinced myself that the loneliness was a by-product of living away from home and friends. I feared to dig deep beneath the surface and tell myself that it was not the case.

Loneliness has always been my companion. I think it’s the case with a few people. Give them all the people and opportunities to bond with, but they will still prefer to wait for ‘their kind of people’ and stay lonely in the process. True that very few of them will want to discuss it on public forums, but the fact remains that some individuals have an affinity towards loneliness.

For instance juxtapose the cases of me and my friend who were both living away from home and were buried neck deep in strangers and the strangeness of a new city. He made friends everywhere he went, never felt ‘lonely’ (or maybe did not tell me). I on the other hand, pined for ‘my type of people’ and sulked and wrote countless blogs on it. My affinity to being lonely you see.

I know it sounds hare-brained but how else do I justify that I felt lonely well before Bangalore, in college too. In college for god’s sake! That too in a place like Manipal teeming with multiple thousands of students (and I lived with family too!) When people in my college were freaking out, I preferred to bury my nose in books for lack of ‘my type of company’.  Its nuts! In the recent past I have avoided doing the burying nose in books part, I have partied till I dropped, travelled, went on countless outings but still managed to remain lonely in a room full of people. Lonely must be in my genes.

So do I discount all the hard-earned gyaan in the ‘New girl in the city’ blogs? Well not exactly, maybe it’s all relative. To what you ask? Well to the happiness of other people around you and the state of mind while writing the blogs of course. So have I found out a sure shot way of getting over the ‘loneliness’ condition? Heck no. Life is much more fun with all the idiosyncrasies you see. Loneliness deserves a chance too, if only to make us more aware of how precious the moments are to be lost in whining away about it. 🙂

New Girl in the City-2

I write this post sitting at home in my home town, quite unlike the other posts written in the shabby rooms I rented in Bangalore. Not only are the surroundings neater and cleaner, there is no nicotine to lay my hands on. It’s 7 ‘O’ clock, not midnight and I sit across my mother as I write, not my roomie, taking care to play music that would not shock mom out of her wits. Hmm…home feels good..but back to the post.

The post New Girl in the City-1 was written out of vengeance- a “Look I made it by myself” kinda post, an attempt to console myself. It was a war cry against the loneliness that almost sucked the sanity out of me- the kind of loneliness that makes u feel as if you are alone in a room full of people. No wonder it seems so preachy when I read it now. I was trying to prove that I survived- to the people who had sidelined me. The bitterness is all but gone!

I write this post not out of vengeance, not out of bitterness, not to prove anything. I write it to tell myself it’s ok to let go. After 3 years of living in a strange city which I could not comprehend, life remains as mysterious as ever, but I have learnt to accept it’s myriad hues, to take life as it comes, to trust myself more than ever and most importantly to enjoy my own company.

Just like it’s important to love oneself to love others, I feel it’s very important to enjoy one’s own company to enjoy the company of others. Then not only are you happier in your own mind but you radiate happiness too. There I go all preachy again :D.

Life! my dear Watson, as Holmes would have said it.

The new girl in the city has learnt from life a miniscule amount of gyaan atleast. :p (allow me the writer’s freedom in stripping the sentence of it’s grammar).

P.S: Is it weird to watch a movie alone?